I'm so anxious all the time.
I'm confused as crap.
I just wish I knew what it is that I'm feeling.
...thats not true. I know what I'm feeling.. and I just wish I didn't feel this way.
I wish love wasn't so hard.
Or... at least.. I wish I didn't love so much.
Also...I wish Nick wouldn't take pictures of me while I'm sleeping. It's weird. O.O
I'm confused as crap.
I just wish I knew what it is that I'm feeling.
...thats not true. I know what I'm feeling.. and I just wish I didn't feel this way.
I wish love wasn't so hard.
Or... at least.. I wish I didn't love so much.
Also...I wish Nick wouldn't take pictures of me while I'm sleeping. It's weird. O.O
- Mood:
anxious
I've lost myself. And i think sometimes people notice it.
I don't know if im being real. Sometimes i feel like a fake.. but i love myself.
My life feels like a game. I'm always working to win people over. And im good at it. Which makes it all the more addictive. It drives me crazy. To a point i would like to go back to being shy and conservative.. and slightly boyish and invisible because i had a few close friends and that made me feel genuine.
I feel like i am everyones girl. And to a point.. it pushes me away from the people i really love.. or it puts them in my shadow. I don't understand why acceptance is this important to me. I honestly.. i don't know how i can feel myself.. and then not at all.
I feel as though the people i love are beginning to dislike me because.. everyone.. seems to like me. And im not saying this to be cocky. I'm saying this because its true. Just about everyone i talk to likes me. And I have boys after me. And.. it confuses me. This is what i want.. but it is also what i don't want. I want a few close friends not a bunch of.. strangers. I want a great romance not a bunch of admirers. I'm sick of caring. If i'm not everyones top.. im not happy. Something else that drives me nuts.. people think i'm honestly dumb. I'm not dumb. I'm silly. And im a comedian. I make fun of myself. It's how i keep people laughing.
Anddddd... i dunno. This is just me saying what i'm thinking in a really.. senseless manner.
I feel as though im loosing true respect. Yucky.
My psychology diagram(home/google made!)..describes the James-Lang (sp?) theory. :P
I don't know if im being real. Sometimes i feel like a fake.. but i love myself.
My life feels like a game. I'm always working to win people over. And im good at it. Which makes it all the more addictive. It drives me crazy. To a point i would like to go back to being shy and conservative.. and slightly boyish and invisible because i had a few close friends and that made me feel genuine.
I feel like i am everyones girl. And to a point.. it pushes me away from the people i really love.. or it puts them in my shadow. I don't understand why acceptance is this important to me. I honestly.. i don't know how i can feel myself.. and then not at all.
I feel as though the people i love are beginning to dislike me because.. everyone.. seems to like me. And im not saying this to be cocky. I'm saying this because its true. Just about everyone i talk to likes me. And I have boys after me. And.. it confuses me. This is what i want.. but it is also what i don't want. I want a few close friends not a bunch of.. strangers. I want a great romance not a bunch of admirers. I'm sick of caring. If i'm not everyones top.. im not happy. Something else that drives me nuts.. people think i'm honestly dumb. I'm not dumb. I'm silly. And im a comedian. I make fun of myself. It's how i keep people laughing.
Anddddd... i dunno. This is just me saying what i'm thinking in a really.. senseless manner.
I feel as though im loosing true respect. Yucky.
My psychology diagram(home/google made!)..describes the James-Lang (sp?) theory. :P
- Location:mah kitchen
- Mood:
confused - Music:something by seether
I think that I'm too happy. Honestly.. this is all going to balance out.. and my life will suck really bad. Or maybe I'm about to die. Anyways.
I've been asked out like.. 3 times in the last month and a half. Bethany took me to Revolve which was AMAZING i cannot possibly explain how great it was. My birthday just past.. anddddd....I'm getting a kitten!!
My sister and i are on okay terms. I have a really great best friend. And crystal and i are not fighting anymore...
my grades are... bleh.
I'm still figuring out my priorities and what not.. but its like every day is a really great day.
which has brought me to the conclusion that this will not last and i am about to meet my demise VERY soon.
If i die.. you guys can divvy up my stuff between yourselves. <33
Grey homeless kitty: We'll still be cool when i get my own kitty. Dun worry.
I've been asked out like.. 3 times in the last month and a half. Bethany took me to Revolve which was AMAZING i cannot possibly explain how great it was. My birthday just past.. anddddd....I'm getting a kitten!!
My sister and i are on okay terms. I have a really great best friend. And crystal and i are not fighting anymore...
my grades are... bleh.
I'm still figuring out my priorities and what not.. but its like every day is a really great day.
which has brought me to the conclusion that this will not last and i am about to meet my demise VERY soon.
If i die.. you guys can divvy up my stuff between yourselves. <33
Grey homeless kitty: We'll still be cool when i get my own kitty. Dun worry.
- Mood:
optimistic
Hey,I'm being forced to update[ <3 you Lacey. :P] .. so I'll talk about school. Um. It's been my second day of school now. I keep sleeping stupid though. No sleep the first day.. and i went to bed at 3 am last night. I am.. very tired. Despite.. i like my classes..
Health. It's like.. decent so far. I've got Beth which helps, but she sits on the entirely opposite side of the classroom. Thats okay though because.. i am surrounded by guys.. who actually talk. :P The teacher...she likes to talk about awkward things.. often that includes her ten year old daughter. ( Just gunna say.. if i were her daughter.. i would be embarrassed.) We've got to get ten hours of community service in before November.. which we have to write a paper on. So Beth and I just went to greenfield elementary today and we're going to be able to complete all our hours working at PTA meetings and as afternoon help to the kinder-garden and second grade teachers. Gunnaaa beee sweet.
Then there is Government. My teacher is really eccentric... terribly opinionated and i think shes some sort of hippie- like she doesn't wear her shoes and her clothes are all loose and thin.. shes a member of P.I.T.A. and all that. I like her though. Shes relaxed.. it sets a good mood for the entire class. We've all been assigned states.. im Georgia....sooo.. i gotta find stuff about Georgia... and its governor and crap.
After that i have Lifetime sports. Kinda cool...but i have the same teacher i had for gym. I'm positive he's got to hate me after the last two years with him. XP We're supposed to do all sorts of stuff.. bowling, golfing, archery, ice skating... yeeaahhh.. whatever.
So.. lunch. Kinda awkward. Dimitry is at my lunch.. who talks to Eric.. whom i like to talk to.. its.. not been easy.. ignoring him and all. But uh. I've got Elise and Emily and Chris (Tommy) to help me. XP
Kay. Then psychology.. same teacher as Government. Micheal is in my class. We laugh a lot.. It's probably the coolest class I'll be taking all year. We're learning like.. cool stuff.. and about ourselves.. and all that junk. I like it. And uh. Today we learned about like.. the techniques for dealing with crazy people through out history. Kinda.. scary. XP
Righto.. and to finish the day. Geometry concepts. YUCK. The teacher sucks. End of story.
Andddd.. now. I'm like. Whipped. I've got to work on my sleeping schedule.
...oh. right. Art. My version of Kibou. Because i love him. And Lacey. ^^
Health. It's like.. decent so far. I've got Beth which helps, but she sits on the entirely opposite side of the classroom. Thats okay though because.. i am surrounded by guys.. who actually talk. :P The teacher...she likes to talk about awkward things.. often that includes her ten year old daughter. ( Just gunna say.. if i were her daughter.. i would be embarrassed.) We've got to get ten hours of community service in before November.. which we have to write a paper on. So Beth and I just went to greenfield elementary today and we're going to be able to complete all our hours working at PTA meetings and as afternoon help to the kinder-garden and second grade teachers. Gunnaaa beee sweet.
Then there is Government. My teacher is really eccentric... terribly opinionated and i think shes some sort of hippie- like she doesn't wear her shoes and her clothes are all loose and thin.. shes a member of P.I.T.A. and all that. I like her though. Shes relaxed.. it sets a good mood for the entire class. We've all been assigned states.. im Georgia....sooo.. i gotta find stuff about Georgia... and its governor and crap.
After that i have Lifetime sports. Kinda cool...but i have the same teacher i had for gym. I'm positive he's got to hate me after the last two years with him. XP We're supposed to do all sorts of stuff.. bowling, golfing, archery, ice skating... yeeaahhh.. whatever.
So.. lunch. Kinda awkward. Dimitry is at my lunch.. who talks to Eric.. whom i like to talk to.. its.. not been easy.. ignoring him and all. But uh. I've got Elise and Emily and Chris (Tommy) to help me. XP
Kay. Then psychology.. same teacher as Government. Micheal is in my class. We laugh a lot.. It's probably the coolest class I'll be taking all year. We're learning like.. cool stuff.. and about ourselves.. and all that junk. I like it. And uh. Today we learned about like.. the techniques for dealing with crazy people through out history. Kinda.. scary. XP
Righto.. and to finish the day. Geometry concepts. YUCK. The teacher sucks. End of story.
Andddd.. now. I'm like. Whipped. I've got to work on my sleeping schedule.
...oh. right. Art. My version of Kibou. Because i love him. And Lacey. ^^
- Mood:
tired - Music:Erik over the phone
- Location:home
- Mood: tired
- Music:the tv
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